Experiencing Life as New

<p class="has-drop-cap has-black-color has-cyan-bluish-gray-background-color has-text-color has-background" value="<amp-fit-text layout="fixed-height" min-font-size="6" max-font-size="72" height="80"> For around the last year I was using meth, I started to miss when I was able to go to sleep at night without fear, when I could track time, move up work ladders, be reasonable, etc. I kept blaming everything else for my issues and then I would baby my issues, making them even worse. I wondered why everything around me was turning to shit constantly. &lt;br&gt; I quit because one day, I was standing in my room by my desk and I yelled at my daughter for no reason and it clicked that I had allowed it to go too far. I stopped taking care of myself, I was at risk of committing suicide constantly, I lost everyone who mattered to me except for my mom, grandma and daughter. No one could stand me. I couldn't stand me. <br> Had I not quit using meth, in the last month, I would have used about $1000 worth. I would have spent 2/3 of the total time focused on it, either obtaining it, trying to obtain it, using it… <br> Since I quit using meth, I've learned to manage my emotions; I've learned to enjoy the little things; I spend more time with my daughter; I spend more time with my family; I take care of myself; I enjoy sleep every night; I can make routine happen; I am calmer; I can regulate my empathy; I cook again; I keep the house cleaner; I play games (board and video); I have a job; I made sober friends; I can have meaningful conversations; I finish what I start; I can plan things; My priorities are straighter; I enjoy things…<br> I don't know what I was thinking using meth for 3 years, but I do know that it's not worth it. I don't know how I could have thought that living under the thumb of meth is dull and boring, even though at first, it seems like it has more substance. That phase goes away quickly and then you're just stuck. I prefer being able to see things for what they are now. I prefer life without meth. For around the last year I was using meth, I started to miss when I was able to go to sleep at night without fear, when I could track time, move up work ladders, be reasonable, etc. I kept blaming everything else for my issues and then I would baby my issues, making them even worse. I wondered why everything around me was turning to shit constantly. &lt;br&gt; I quit because one day, I was standing in my room by my desk and I yelled at my daughter for no reason and it clicked that I had allowed it to go too far. I stopped taking care of myself, I was at risk of committing suicide constantly, I lost everyone who mattered to me except for my mom, grandma and daughter. No one could stand me. I couldn’t stand me.
Had I not quit using meth, in the last month, I would have used about $1000 worth. I would have spent 2/3 of the total time focused on it, either obtaining it, trying to obtain it, using it…
Since I quit using meth, I’ve learned to manage my emotions; I’ve learned to enjoy the little things; I spend more time with my daughter; I spend more time with my family; I take care of myself; I enjoy sleep every night; I can make routine happen; I am calmer; I can regulate my empathy; I cook again; I keep the house cleaner; I play games (board and video); I have a job; I made sober friends; I can have meaningful conversations; I finish what I start; I can plan things; My priorities are straighter; I enjoy things…
I don’t know what I was thinking using meth for 3 years, but I do know that it’s not worth it. I don’t know how I could have thought that living under the thumb of meth is dull and boring, even though at first, it seems like it has more substance. That phase goes away quickly and then you’re just stuck. I prefer being able to see things for what they are now. I prefer life without meth.

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praktikotips

Wellness tips for healthy & happy living

~thebpdgirl39~

addiction, borderline personality disorder, bpd, borderline, dbt, recovery, mentil illness,

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