Days 1-5: I slept…. all day and all night… and ate a ton of donuts… I’m still digesting them.
Day 6-7: I got up and showered and was able to stay awake throughout the day.
Day 8: I got up, made my daughter breakfast (she likes to watch me flip three eggs in the pan sans spatula), I took my supplements, realized how bad 200 mg of caffeine and dehydration are as a combination, asked my mom for something hydrating, drank Snapple Apple (we’re out of bottled water and I don’t trust the tap), showered, did my makeup and helped my daughter with school. That’s the day so far. More later.
I finished the night by making dinner for my family and put my daughter to bed watching Beauty and the Beast. Then I went to bed because I overate and felt like a fatass.
Day 9 (10.28.2020 or 28.10.2020): I’m still not really craving. I got up, made my daughter pancakes and eggs for breakfast, ate some eggs for breakfast, took my supplements, took a shower, did my makeup and cleaned the rabbit’s cage. Now I’m trying to think of what to do next. Exciting, I know.
Day 15 (11.03.2020): Sorry for the space. I’m still clean. I found meth and rinsed it down the sink with my grandma as my witness about 4 days ago. Still no desire to use. I found an app called I Am Sober that is extremely useful. I recommend it for any addiction/habit. It’s put things into a better perspective and is quite motivating.
Day 34 (11.23.2020): I’m still clean and finally meth seems like it’s becoming a thing of my past rather than a present focus constantly crossing my mind. Not in a bad way, but regardless of the way it presents itself, I don’t want it to. I want to move on from it. It’s a thing of my past now. I don’t want anything to do with meth. It destroyed so much and I can see the difference. Here are some things I’ve learned and re-learned in the last month:
1. The past is the past for a reason. Keep the bad shit there. The future is the future for a reason. Use the good shit for that. The present is where the good and bad shit come from. Use it wisely. If you don’t want bad shit to happen, be mindful in the present, don’t live in the past and don’t get blinded by the future because it isn’t here yet. Make the best out of every moment you can. Meth doesn’t let this happen.
2. When on meth, you give time in exchange for a variety of things to do. When you exchange time for activities, you don’t have enough of it to spend on these activities. You have to rush through everything because the number of activities is so high and you don’t have enough time to give them to actually finish anything. When not on meth, you give up the number of things to do in exchange for time. You may not do as much, but everything is finished when you do them. It gives tomorrow more time to do more things because the pile of things to do shrinks so you can actually be mindful and enjoy the small things and savor moments and learn from experiences. I took for granted the time I had while I was on meth and now I have to spend even more time cleaning up the mess, but getting the mess cleaned up is worth the time I’ll get to spend once it’s done.
3. Listen to what people tell you. Take what you want, leave the rest. Don’t take things personally. Everyone has the potential to open a door for you with as little as one sentence. Sometimes, information just clicks when you hear it worded from another perspective.
4. Don’t allow yourself to say anything negative about yourself, no matter how you feel. Forbid it. Even if you’re joking, don’t do it. This, I actually read in a Jillian Michael’s book when I was 18, but I forgot about this when I was on meth. If you spend too much time focused on your mistakes beating yourself up over them, you’re not spending enough time fixing them. You could be doing something proactive against repeating your mistakes or making amends or fixing your mistakes instead of telling yourself how worthless you are for making mistakes. Of course, use your remorse for fuel to improve, but don’t start a fire with it and get burned.
5. It’s okay to admit fault and to accept responsibility.
6. Step out of your comfort zone or you’ll never get anywhere.
Meth prevented me from seeing these things. Each day that passes, I’m more grateful that I stopped allowing it in my life. In retrospect, no activity was worth what meth actually cost me.