If You Ever Want to be Haunted by your Misery, Do Meth

One important thing I’ve realized since quitting meth 2 months ago is that if you want to forget all the good shit and live under the thumb of the bad shit, do meth. On the other hand, if you want to see the good shit in the first place, as well as remember it, and if you wish to be able to come back from the bad shit and be able to move on from it and learn from it and avoid some of it altogether, whatever you do, DO NOT USE… Read More

Love Them Like You Lost Them Yesterday

<p class="has-drop-cap" value="<amp-fit-text layout="fixed-height" min-font-size="6" max-font-size="72" height="80"> I was just looking at my daughter's handprints on the medicine cabinet mirror when I realized that if I had lost her yesterday, those little handprints would mean so much more than they did when I initially noticed them. Suddenly, my daughter's everything meant much more to me. Then, I applied that idea to the rest of my family and they, too, suddenly meant much more to me. Then I realized how rare the thought of losing someone you care about is until you're faced… Read More

High on Life

I think I made the right decision using natural supplements to recover quickly from meth addiction. I can’t count how many times I’ve felt a dopamine release from simply appreciating the world around me while sober. They say dopamine releases are what cause addiction and I can definitely get addicted to sobriety if it means butterflies every time I see something pretty, for example, a butterfly. I can’t believe I spent three years missing out on this.

I Don’t Want to Talk to Anyone Today…

Anyone else, anyway. I lost my phone anyway, but right now, I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing. I don’t want to talk to anyone today. Anyone but him and he won’t talk to me anyway. I found these natural anxiety support supplements and I’m grateful for the calm feeling they provide. I love and hate that they don’t entirely mask what I’m feeling. They just make it easier to accept that I’m feeling whatever it is I’m feeling. I’m okay with that, even though it’s easier to numb feelings with… Read More

I Miss my Best Friend

I just miss my best friend. Every day, I just feel emptier and emptier, but I’m trying so hard to put on a brave face and tell everyone I’m doing alright. Especially with having just quit using meth, if I show too much sadness, I fear it’ll be mistaken for relapse. Also, I’ve done so much damage to so many people, my self-worth is non-existent. I feel like expressing anything I desire or feel will be little more than a burden because I don’t deserve to be heard and I don’t deserve… Read More

I Need to Stop Lying to Myself…

I’m happy to be off meth, but I’m not happy. I’m miserable. The one thing missing from my life leaves the most massive void that I simply just wake up feeling impatient for the time I can go to sleep. Most nights, no matter how tired I feel, I can’t sleep. It’s always broken by either nightmares or being incapable of breathing. I’m getting to the point of crying myself to sleep at night again because that one thing (or person) is missing. I want to set goals, and I have, but… Read More

5 years

I’ve been in love with you for 5 years… it doesn’t stop there. Life has taken us everywhere and we’re still here, but barely. I can’t let you go. I never will. The day we met, I saw perfection and, even today, in all your flaws, I still do. Not one day has passed that you’ve not been at the very forefront of my mind. You mean more to me than you will ever know. It’s more than I can find words for. I’ve told you this once or twice, but how… Read More


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addiction, borderline personality disorder, bpd, borderline, dbt, recovery, mentil illness,

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