About Me

Background

About me?…. Hmm… Well, this is almost unnecessary considering the entire website is about me and/or things that intrigue me. However, it isn’t completely unnecessary, considering it would help any readers to get a basic background on what and who they’re reading about… And that, my friends (and foes), is why this page exists! Shall we?

My name isn’t important, so let’s just skip over that. This isn’t for you to get to know me, per se, so much as it is to entertain you when you have nothing better to do.

I am currently 28 years old (this was written in the year 2020). I am a single mother of a 7 year-old-to-be and she is in first grade. She’s my best friend, my guardian angel, my pillar of strength… She’s my everything. I live in the United States and I have A LOT of mental issues. (Those are in the same sentence because I think they’re correlated… I’m kidding… I think…) In all seriousness, many have had a harder life than I have; however, many others have had an easier one. I have severe anxiety (all forms, i.e. SAD, GAD, etc.) I’m trying to overcome agoraphobia. I have PTSD and the last four years have been hell (emphasis on “hell”). I’m currently trying to change that pattern and heal to be the resilient and positive person I used to be; however, the world is in a challenging state lately. It’s going to be a challenge. Said challenge accepted.

Anywho, I used to study for my Bachelor degree in Legal Studies with a minor in Forensics, but I got in a car accident last year that made me too much of a pussy to be a CSI like I had planned. I ended up developing empathy and having a weak stomach. Now, I’m a mess studying to become a functioning human being in today’s society. It’s not easy, though it should be, as I’ve done it before.

You see, around four years ago… four very long years ago… I worked full-time, attended college online full-time (four classes per term), lived in someone’s shed with my daughter as a single mother where I had to sponge-bathe my daughter and I each day, was working on a K1 visa for my now ex-fiance, who lived in the UK who still tends to break my heart repeatedly and I let him because I do love him, and had a car that was costing me $10 to go 13 miles (the distance to and from my job at the time) every day. I wasn’t stressed… Well, not anymore than the “average” person would be. That was before Fall 2017, when I encountered a man who single-handedly destroyed everything I had worked so hard to build. Since then, it’s been dark storm after dark storm, constantly. I don’t know if the storms are over yet, but I can honestly say I’ve been making more progress lately than I’ve been getting set back. At least I keep telling myself that so I don’t go crazy and eat a bullet. So, here’s to hoping to see a rainbow soon.

My beliefs are guaranteed to piss most people off. I’m obnoxious and my parenting leaves a lot to be desired. I complain a lot and I often don’t perceive things correctly because I have a tendency to overreact or jump to conclusions… or do I?

If I could have one wish, it would be for the entire world to experience peace and happiness while banishing anger from each individual’s mind and replacing it with the ability to forgive. I wish to harm nobody. I would rather harm myself than to harm another. I don’t wish to be harmed, either, though. My goal as a parent is to raise my daughter to be resilient, strong, happy, well-mannered, intelligent, and prepared for any challenges that may confront her in life. I want to see her utilize her potential and be the best version of herself that she can be. If I could do anything in my lifetime to make a difference in society, it would be to advocate for children who are abused or mistreated and to help influence adults to treat them more as equals than as lesser beings or subordinates.

I’m closest to my grandmother, my mother and oldest little brother. I have two other brothers that are younger than him and we’re not distant, but we aren’t close. I also found out 2 years ago that I have an older sister and I’m happy she exists, though I’m afraid to establish a relationship with her and I’m not sure why. I guess I expect her to let me down and not understand. We’re a lot alike, but are our own persons at the same time. She’s the only person in my family that shares a resemblance with me, aside from our father, who I don’t even know whether he cares about me or not anymore. I never hear from him, so I don’t think he thinks about me or my daughter anymore. No one really does that I’m aware of, but I guess that’s life and a harsh truth I did not want to learn.
I have disowned all other family members because of their snobbery and selfishness and ignorance. Thanks to my tendency to dissociate, it doesn’t bother me to not have them in my life because, to me, they’re just people and their DNA doesn’t give them special privileges. No one is entitled to special treatment. I don’t care who they’re related to, what job or position in society they hold, or what have you. A person is a person regardless of title and they have to earn my respect and trust like I have to theirs. More on all of that another time.

I’m a jack of all trades and a master of none because I get bored easily. I enjoy writing (obviously), crafting (hence the shop), and spending time with the people I care about. I don’t have many friends and I like it that way. I’m not known by many people and I plan to keep it that way (which is why I’m not revealing my identity on here). I used to sing and adored music, but I don’t know what happened to that. I still do every once in a while, but I don’t connect to it anymore. I am dissociated. I don’t see things the way most people do (for example, the way I view myself is entirely different than the way most people view themselves. More on that later, too.)

Anyway, that’s all I’m writing here. There will be several other blog posts about my life and whatnot, so there’s no need to continue elaborating here. Enjoy!

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(Side note – ^^^^^^^ 2Cellos ^^^^^^^ These boys are totally worth a listen. They cover some of the best songs using their cellos and they rock the fuck out of those instruments! They bust strings and have a unique playing style and are very talented, in my opinion. Also, I do not own anything regarding this video and I am not associated with 2Cellos. I’m just a fan and wanted to share their talent and YouTube channel.)

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Wellness tips for healthy & happy living

~thebpdgirl39~

addiction, borderline personality disorder, bpd, borderline, dbt, recovery, mentil illness,

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